Sarah is sad. She just had a date with a man she knew would not call her back.
“I blew it,” sighed Sarah. “I’m just no good in relationships. No man wants to be with me. I give up. I’m better of staying alone.”
Sarah doesn’t really mean this. It’s just that she’s sick of feeling like a failure when it comes to meeting men.
My new mentor, Alex Wise from Loveawake dating site, speaks about three types of fears that prevent us from being successful in our careers. I realize these are the same fears that keep us from having successful, passionate, long-term romantic relationships.
In order to get what we want, we need to take action and overcome what really gets in the way of our finding true love.
1. Fear of Rejection
In olden days, when another human being pushed us away it often cost us our lives. If we were rejected by our tribe or by influential people, it would threaten our survival and reproduction.
Not to mention the shame, embarrassment and humiliation of it all!
The same feelings are evoked today when we feel a man’s rejection. It’s not easy to feel unwanted or unlovable.
It’s good to remember when a man “rejects” us, it’s usually not personal. And think about it … do you really want him if he doesn’t want you? Of course not.
2. Fear of Failure
In olden days, if we tried something and it didn’t work … like killing a beast … and we failed, we could die.
Today, when we get into a relationship and it doesn’t work out, we feel like failures.
We worry what others think. We worry we’re no good. We worry no one will ever love us.
This is simply not true. You are not a failure because you loved and it didn’t work out.
We’re failures when we don’t take risks. That includes love.
3. Fear of Being Wrong
Don’t you just hate it when you think something is one way, then you try it and it’s not?
When we feel like we “get something” and turns out we don’t … we don’t feel good. We feel out of control. We feel ridiculous.
We have the need to be right and not be wrong. When we want a man to do it our way because we think it’s right, and he doesn’t … it goes against us.
Same is true when a man wants to do things his way … he doesn’t want to be wrong. He doesn’t want look stupid. He wants to look like he gets it.
We fight and break up over fear of being wrong to our partners. Then when the relationship doesn’t work out, we fight with ourselves over being wrong about the man and who we thought he was.
Then we have to tell our friends about how wrong we were. Then we question our own ability to choose the right men. We believe we make wrong choices.
We feel bad and believe we are bad … which is wrong.
And this wrong belief stops us from being our best selves when we are in relationships with men.
Don’t let fear stand in the way of meeting and marrying your man!